In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Elon Musk’s long-awaited $700 million superyacht has finally debuted, and its destiny couldn’t be more fitting. Enter: Donald Trump, the man who truly believes in “owning the best” – even if it means redefining the concept of “best” with gold-plated everything.

Dubbed the “Starliner Supreme,” Musk’s yacht boasts futuristic design features that scream “tech billionaire,” with solar-powered champagne coolers, AI bartenders that only make martinis, and a landing pad for SpaceX shuttles (because of course). Critics are calling it “a floating shrine to excess” – the perfect playground for someone like Trump, whose affinity for golden interiors rivals that of King Midas himself.

Sources close to the deal say Trump swooped in to make an offer the moment the yacht hit the market. “It’s big, it’s beautiful, it’s the best yacht ever built – people are saying it’s the most fantastic yacht, believe me,” Trump reportedly told insiders, before adding, “Nobody loves yachts more than me. Nobody.”

Musk, ever the showman, expressed his excitement about the transaction on X (formerly Twitter):

“Finally, my yacht is going to someone who truly understands luxury and innovation…or at least pretends to. Godspeed, Donald. May it never sink 🚢🔥.”

The yacht’s features include:

A casino lounge stocked with Trump-branded poker chips.

A tanning deck with automatic spray tan dispensers.

A 24/7 room streaming Trump’s election “highlights” on loop.

Environmentalists have expressed concern over the yacht’s carbon footprint, but Trump’s team dismissed these critiques, stating, “It’s not pollution; it’s freedom fumes.”

As the yacht sets sail, the world watches with bated breath, wondering if this is the beginning of a new chapter in absurdly opulent spending—or just another episode of “Rich People Doing Rich Things.”

One thing is certain: this yacht has found a captain who will undoubtedly steer it into the uncharted waters of extravagance. Bravo, Mr. Musk and Mr. Trump—humanity salutes you (from our dinghies).